Wild thing?

Not this Charlie Sheen!

Sheen — he of the Heidi Fleiss black book, drug overdose and drag-out fights with ex-wife Denise Richards — spent the Thanksgiving break in Palm Beach.

His time here? Bo-o-ringly average!

On top of it, the 42-year-old may have annoyed his bride-to-be in the process.

I’m told the Two and a Half Men star, who’s engaged to former Benjamin High School cheerleader and Palm Beacher Brooke Mueller, spent most of his five days holed up at Mar-a-Lago, Donald Trump’s private beachfront club.

Sheen and Mueller gained access to the exclusive property thanks to Mueller’s mom, socialite and club member Moira Fiore, who hooked them up with a $2,500-a-night suite shortly after they arrived at PBIA by private jet Nov. 20.

What did Sheen do during his vacation? He watched football and basketball on the tube, taking breaks only to lie down by the pool and dine with his soon-to-be mother-in-law and Trump.

The Tinseltown couple did venture outside the posh compound, but not very far: Refreshments at the Italian restaurant Amici and breakfast at Testa’s. One spywitness said she didn’t recognize the Major League pitcher.

“He had these big sunglasses on,” she said. “And he looked pasty and wrinkly. Charlie’s not aging well.”

At one point Friday night, Mueller seemed ticked off as she waited for Sheen at the club’s restaurant for an hour and a half.

I hear he was running late because of the triple overtime LSU-Arkansas football game, on which he may have lost a buck or two.

“They had a great time,” said Fiore, Mueller’s mom. “We all had dinner with Donald. There was a lot of talk about our families. There was a lot of talk about TV shows, and Donald asked Charlie about Martin (Sheen, star of Apocalypse Now and Charlie’s dad).”

One thing the lovebirds didn’t mention around the turkey, however, was their nuptials.

No date. No location. No guests.

No wedding?

“Don’t read anything into it,” Fiore said. “He said on TV a few days before they arrived that if it were up to him, they’d be married.”

Miami Heat superstar Shaquille O’Neal used to hand his soon-to-be-ex-wife a $7,000 stipend every month - which she then spent on her hair and groceries for other relatives.

And although she’s asking a Miami-Dade County court for temporary support from the 7-footer as their divorce unfolds, Shaunie O’Neal, 33, is far from destitute.

Shaq and Shaunie O’Neal in happier times.

The financial affidavit she recently filed shows that the mother of four kids with Shaq may be worth as much as $30 million.

Although neither former lovebird nor their lawyers commented, the paperwork shows Shaunie, who’s been hitched to the big man for five years, lists nearly $450,000 in cash and stocks as assets. The couple’s $25 million Star Island home in Miami Beach, a condo in L.A., a $3.95 million home in Orlando and another condo in Miami also figure on her balance sheet.

And, if you believe the same document, she invested in several businesses, including a Virginia developer ($250,000) and a Los Angeles eatery, Liberty Grill ($250,000).

Click above to view the court filing (PDF)

An occasional reporter for Access Hollywood, Shaunie is far from being all business. She spends a whopping $2,500 a month of Shaq’s cash on her hair.

And the rest of the $7,000 a month, which she claims as her only income, ends up with Shaunie’s brother, parents and sister.

No. 32, who makes $20 million in Heat salary alone, in September filed for divorce with a complaint that called Shaunie “secretive” when it came to her money and hinted that she may have used marital funds without his knowledge. Rumors had it he found out she’d bought a home for a former boyfriend, although the recent filing shows no indication of that.

Tiger’s tear-down

Tiger Woods‘ lair is undergoing radical changes these days. Less than a year ago, the four adjacent properties he assembled on tony Jupiter Island for $44.5 million still featured four comfortable homes, a putting green, basketball court and lush landscaping.
As of earlier this week, there’s nothing left on his 12 acres.

Now, on the land he renamed Sand Turtle, work crews are scheduled to build a 9,729-square-foot main house and other goodies.

Environmentalists, fear not: The plans Woods filed with town hall call for new foliage so thick that no one will be able to see the home from the road or the Intracoastal.

Click on the photos to see larger versions.

Before:

After:

Photos by Splash News

The grieving days of the widow of Wall Street prodigy and TV business news pundit Seth Tobias — whose Labor Day weekend death is still unexplained — aren’t getting any easier.

Now, pharmacies where Phyllis Tobias, 41, and her deceased husband filled prescriptions have been asked to surrender records of their medication purchases. Her best friend has been questioned. And the security guards at her gated community were subpoenaed for their logs of visitors to the Tobiases’ home on the day of Seth’s passing.

The subpoenas, which Phyllis’ legal team is fighting, were issued in the battle over the 44-year-old Seth’s will and a personal fortune estimated at $25 million-plus that Tobias’ brothers and Phyllis have been waging.

The probate court file in Palm Beach Gardens shows Sam and Spence Tobias, Seth’s brothers, are having their lawyer conduct his own investigation on why CNBC contributor Seth was found floating in his pool at the couple’s $3 million Bears Club home in Jupiter — while the Jupiter PD’s probe also continues.

The cause of death has yet to be determined as authorities are waiting for toxicology results. And that, according to Medical Examiner spokesman Tony Mead, could take another month.

Meanwhile, speculation about the incident continues — fueled by a California man who claims he was the Tobiases’ assistant for two years. Jupiter cops flew to San Diego in September to grill Billy Ash, who tried to implicate socialite Phyllis. Ash’s extensive criminal record includes running a prostitution ring, which earned him the nickname “Mr. Madam.” Last month, Phyllis said Ash wasn’t her assistant but her “spiritual adviser.”

Ash was to be the Brothers Tobias’ star witness but never showed for his scheduled depo.

Still, the brothers are trying to obtain the couple’s records from 10 pharmacies, eight CVS and a Fedco in Jupiter and West Palm, and Green’s Drug Store in Palm Beach. They were asking for “all prescription orders” filled during Labor Day weekend.

As for the best friend, WPB lawyer Jo Ann Barone Kotzen acknowledged being deposed for several hours. A source close to the case said the brothers wanted to verify rumors that Phyllis summoned her to the house before calling 911 to report Seth’s death.

“That’s absolutely false that Phyllis called me before 911,” Kotzen said.

In an interview last month, Phyllis Tobias said she’d never harm her husband. Said Phyllis’ attorney, Gary Dunkel: “There’s no evidence of wrongdoing by Phyllis.”

TOM CRUISE-ING THE PLAYBOY MANSION

There could be an unusual role in Tom Cruise’s future: Playboy founder Hugh Hefner.

I’m told by a SoFla-based movie insider that the 45-year-old star of Mission: Impossible and the upcoming Valkyrie is now eyeing the role of the sexual revolutionary Hef in a biopic set to start filming at Universal Pictures next year.

Miami Beach product Brett Ratner (X-Men 3 and Rush Hour 3) got the Playboy director’s job after Oliver Stone lost it and has sent the script to Cruise.

Word is that Cruise is tickled by the project, although no decision has been made.

“A lot of people consider Tom for a lot of roles,” a Cruise publicist said.

Only in America?

Just a month after Donald Trump’s fancy Mar-a-Lago private club was sued by a dishwasher who says he wasn’t paid properly for working overtime, Trump boxing-promoter friend Don King was smacked with a similar federal action in West Palm Monday.

Manalapan resident King, who’s been accused in the past of taking financial advantage of the likes of Muhammad Ali, now stands accused of shorting his personal chef under the federally-mandated time-and-a-half law by more than 10 G’s.

Delray resident Kevin Barnes, 36, declined comment Wednesday. His complaint mentions he was hired by the spiked-haired King and his wife Henrietta right in time for the holidays last December. He was assigned to whip up gourmet stuff for the couple at their $9.5 million South Ocean Boulevard mansion.

Through the following nine months, Barnes claims, he routinely worked more than 40 weeks a week but never got paid extra.

The filing doesn’t reveal if Barnes walked out on King or got canned in August.

“We’ve not been served, I don’t know anything about this,” said Don King Productions general counsel Charles Lomax, after Page 2.1 was left to listen to America The Beautiful playing on a never-ending loop while on hold. Wind-machine King wasn’t available for comment.

According to the document, Barnes was paid by King’s boxing company to do King’s at-home cooking.

“He’s got a legitimate claim, believe me,” said Barnes’ attorney, Alan Aronson.

In October, WPB dishwasher Guy Dorcinvil, 46, filed against billionaire Trump, claiming that Mar-a-Lago officials scrubbed some of his pay.

“We run Mar-a-Lago very lucratively for everyone involved,” Trump said at the time.